How to Overcome Your Fear of Public Speaking

28 Aug

Why does public speaking feel so scary?

For many people, the thought of standing up and speaking in front of a group can create a surprisingly strong physical reaction. That fight or flight anxiety can be activated - your heart is racing, your hands are sweating, suddenly you’ve forgotten how to swallow and everything you were about to say has left your brain.

If this sounds familiar, firstly it is really important to know you are certainly not alone. Research suggests that around 20–33% of people experience significant fear or anxiety around public speaking.

But what is it that we are actually afraid of? And not just a little bit afraid, but to the extent that we trigger reactions that are the same as they would be if we were in immediate physical danger?

What are we really afraid of?

I don’t think it’s the speaking itself, rather the possibility of being judged, getting something wrong or embarrassing ourselves.

Embarrassment can feel much bigger in our heads than it actually is. Our bodies can react to the possibility of social judgement almost as though we are facing a genuine threat.

The fear of being cast out

And there’s a reason for that. Humans evolved in tribes, where belonging wasn’t simply about feeling accepted, it was fundamental to survival. Being rejected or cast out could mean losing access to protection, resources and connection. So our nervous systems became highly attuned to signs that we might be stepping outside the boundaries of the group, and this is encoded within our DNA.

Your body thinks you’re in danger - but you’re not

The problem is, our bodies haven’t necessarily caught up with the modern world. Today, being different, making a mistake, saying the “wrong” thing or going against a social norm is unlikely to get us cast out of the tribe. Yet somewhere deep in our biology, social rejection can still register as: “Am I safe?” or “Do I still belong?”

Sometimes the fear of embarrassment isn’t really about embarrassment at all. It’s the ancient fear of being excluded.

So how does this link to being a confident speaker? I think the key to becoming a confident speaker is harnessing those feelings and using them for good, and communicating honestly and openly.

I’m naturally quite an outgoing person, as well as being an experienced performer, but I still get nervous before speaking in front of people - particularly when I’m standing up as myself, rather than hiding behind a character or production.

From fear to excitement

One of the best pieces of advice I’ve ever been given came from my favourite acting teacher, who told me that the physical chemical reaction we experience when we’re frightened vs when we’re excited is actually remarkably similar.

So rather than telling yourself, “I’m scared,” try: “I’m excited.”

It sounds simple, but positively reframing the feeling can change how you physically respond to it.

Remember:

Your mind creates your reality.

Your heart is beating faster? Great, that’s your body preparing you to do something.

Your stomach is fluttering? Excited butterflies!

You’ve got lots of energy? How amazing that you have that to bring to the speech.

Harness the nerves - don’t fight them

Ultimately, the aim isn’t to get rid of the nerves or pretend they aren’t there. Instead, see them as a gift, your body helping you get through the speech.

Practical ways to be your own biggest support before public speaking

1. Prepare more than you think you need to:

Good preparation gives your brain something to rely on when nerves kick in - think of it as a safety drill and trying to activate muscle memory.

Know your main points and the order you want to make them in. Practise saying your points aloud using bullet points than reading out whole paragraphs - knowing “what you want to say” is often more useful than memorising a perfect script.

2. Practise in front of a safe audience:

Start somewhere low stakes - speaking in front of a mirror, record yourself on your phone, or practise in front of a friend or family member. You can gradually make the audience bigger as your confidence grows.

The point isn’t to practise until you’re perfect - it’s to make speaking aloud feel familiar and remind your body it isn’t life threatening.

3. Make the time beforehand as calm as possible:

If you know you’re speaking later in the day, don’t spend the whole morning winding yourself up about it.

Make your journey as stress free as possible; leave plenty of time so that delays or traffic don’t cause any problems. Eat a healthy, slow release energy meal and try to avoid caffeine (or at least don’t have more than you usually do!)

The calmer your start to the day, the more prepared you are to experience the adrenaline when it comes later.

4. Reset your nervous system before you start:

Take a few minutes to yourself before you speak for grounding.

Two short breaths in through your nose, followed by one deeper breath out. Repeat this a couple of times.

Then remind yourself (by saying out loud if possible):

“I am not in a life-or-death situation. I am speaking aloud to an audience. I am prepared and confident.”

It might sound obvious (or even a bit silly) but it really can help to interrupt that automatic fight-or-flight response and bring you back to what is actually happening.

5. Slow down:

One of the biggest mistakes nervous speakers make is speaking too quickly. This is natural - your brain is racing, so your mouth tries to keep up.

Slow yourself down deliberately - Take a breath between ideas. Allow important points to land and please don’t be afraid of silence.

And, this is really important, IF you stumble over your words, remember the world IS NOT going to end. Just take a pause, take a breath and carry on - a pause will usually sound far more confident than rushing through a sentence because you’re worried about having made a mistake.

When I was working as a singer, I always used to notice that my reaction to a mistake was the dead giveaway; ie. If I sang the wrong verse twice with a huge smile on my face, the audience wouldn’t bat an eyelid, but if I panicked and tried to correct myself, I’d make it glaringly obvious. I guess the phrase “strong and wrong” exists for a reason, which leads perfectly to the final point:

6. Stop thinking that perfect is the only thing good enough:

I wasn’t exactly sure how to word this section - then realised I’d almost just defeated my own point by even thinking that. Essentially - we are all just humans. Does anyone really want to hear a completely flawless speech delivered “perfectly”? Perhaps if the answer is yes then we will move towards robots giving speeches and appearing in Hollywood movies, and as far as I’m concerned, if that is the case, then stop the world I want to get off!

So, remember you are a human being and allowed to “make mistakes”, and:

If you lose your place, take a breath.
If you say the wrong word, correct yourself.
If your voice shakes at the beginning, keep going.

Most people are far more understanding than the voice in your head suggests. As I said earlier, your mind creates your reality, so tell yourself you are doing a great job and you will be.

Sometimes a hack to be kinder to yourself is to imagine what you would say to the younger version of you, if they were in your current situation and asked you for help.

If they were standing there, terrified about getting something wrong, scared of being an embarrassment, worried about saying the wrong thing, what would you say to them?

Almost definitely not:

“You’re going to make a fool of yourself, forget all your words and prove you are not worthy of this job.” - (Which might be along the lines of what that silly voice in your head is trying to say)

Instead you’d probably say something like:

“You’ve prepared. You’re safe. It’s okay to be nervous. The fear is just showing that you care. You don’t have to be perfect. Take a breath and begin.”

Maybe those kind words are exactly what you should say to yourself too!

Confidence isn’t the absence of fear

You may never completely eradicate the fear of public speaking - and perhaps you shouldn’t try to - because really it just shows how much you care.

The goal is to learn how to recognise the feeling, release and accept the physical response and harness that nervous energy rather than allowing it to control you.

Confidence isn’t the absence of fear. It is feeling it, acknowledging it, and trusting yourself to do a great job not in spite of it, but because of it.

Want to Go Deeper?

If you enjoyed this piece, here’s a podcast I did recently with Melissa Rose, who is another communication and confidence coach at Innervox, on how to overcome fear of public speaking.

At InnerVox, we help organisations build confidence, communication and authentic self-expression through transformative experiential workshops. If you're ready to build success in your team, we'd love to support you. Click here for more on these workshops.

Sending so much love,

Until next time… See you in the next blog.

Milly 🫶✨

InnerVox .